blah

This weekend seemed incredibly long! Actually this whole week has been kind of blah. It started with driving James to the airport :( And that is always difficult for me. It hurts to always have to say goodbye and that I can't be there to share in his experiences. Though I defininately see the blessings of a long distance relationship, and see how the Lord has blessed my relationship with James. I do pray that distance won't always be a permenant barrier to the growth of our relationship. Well this weekend while James was away on a ministry trip, I found out my mom's best friend and my very close but not related aunt was sent to the hospital. We found out that she had cancer of the brain and that it is fast moving. There is only a 4% chance that she will live past 1 year. This news and unfortunate turn has really hit my family hard. Cheryl wasn't a lady who was very old and nobody was prepared for this. I have been here trying to hold up the family and some of the other friends. It really shows me how short life can be and how we will never really know what God has in store or planned for our lives. We are keeping my aunt in our prayers and hoping for the best. It's been hard for my mom especially, but she is tough and has to have a handle on this for my aunt's family's sake. As for me I think I just don't really know how to deal with the whole situation. Death is not something I know or have experience with. In some ways I have always been fearful of it due to the fact that I have no idea how I will react to it. I think I am sometimes scared that I will react to death in much the same way I did my parent's divorce. Meaning that I would numb myself to it's passing and painful existance. Though I have learned so much about breaking through the numbness I am praying that the Lord would help me not to slip into it again. It is an aweful place, where feelings are merely simulated facial expressions the environment trains you to have. I know this is extreme but a long time ago that was me. I know that I won't slip back there again because know I have the Lord in my life and there is no possible way for me to numb myself to the Spirit that's inside of me. But I am making it a point to prayerfully consider my past tendencies so that I might be even more prepared and ready to seek the Lord for my comfort and my sheild against the unwanted and coming feelings. So yeah.. this week and weekend were blah and scary and sad. But the Good Lord will definately have his hand upon my Aunt and her family and that gives me so much comfort. Please if you read this pray for her and thank God for those you have the privelidge to share you life with :) Well it's late and time for bed. Tomorrow is a new day and with that comes lots of work. Goodnight everyone :)
Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom"

Support Raising and Stuff

Sometimes I feel so paralyzed by my own boundaries. I have so much support to raise in order to report to George Mason University and begin the campus ministry. I know it is not by my own efforts that financially I will be provided for but by the mere sovereign will of God. Still I can not help but drag my feet. Faith is not just believing but it is belief + stepping out on that belief in action. I know one of my biggest barriers towards this funds development process is my own willingness to just go out and do it. I know right now this is what I need to do. Like the Nike campaign "just do it". That is what I'm planning to do. I know God will take care of the rest as long as I just take the jump to do it. I am also very grateful to have some great encouragement this week. I am blessed that the Lord is allowing me to be comforted in this way. It's weird for me to think that I am actually going to be 23 in June. I know I never saw myself doing ministry when I grew up. Now it is the only thing I can see myself doing. Well I have made it a point to plunge on in this and so I have to go to bed so I can get up early tomorrow and get some stuff accomplished in the support raising process. Good night everyone!

Jumping Jehoshaphat!

It's Tuesday today but it feels more like Monday. It is supposed to snow 5-10 inches tonight :( Today I got some good rest and time in the word. Recently I've been reading through the Bible and right now I am in 2 Chronicles. During the time of this book there is separation between Israel and Judah and most of the time they are at war with each other. You learn a lot about the different kings and rulers after king David. Today I was reading 2 Chronicles 17-20. I learned a lot about king Jehoshaphat of Judah and I found myself in similar situations to his in my relationship with the Lord. He is a man whose "heart was courageous in the ways of the Lord..." (17:6) but at the same time was hesitant in trusting the Lord because in Chapter 18 he is to make up his mind about going to war (with his enemy Israel) to go up against another nation of peoples. Jehoshaphat seeks the Lord's guidance and all but one prophet tell him that the Lord will back him up. Jehoshaphat feels uneasy about the fact that one prophet was not there to give his insight onto what the Lord would want so they go see what this prophet has to say. (You'll have to read the story yourself for a better detailed version! It's a great story!) Well this prophet tells him that the Lord has allowed these prophets to be swayed in their insight and tells him that the Lord does not want him to do this battle. Well Jehoshaphat let the majority sway his opinion even though he felt convicted about finding the last prophet's guidance. You'll have to read it to find out the whole story. But I will say that I feel like Jehoshaphat many times when I seek out the Lord for guidance and council and the Lord definitely gives it. But if it's not the answer I am seeking or if the truth seems too insensible.... I hesitate or even worse ignore the Lord's guiding. The Lord blesses those who trust in Him and His ways. They are definitely not understood by this world. For me this reminds me of how the Lord's interest is not in our comfort or our own accomplishments but His interest is in our hearts. The more I follow and pursue the right path the more that path looks different from the world around me. And that is a good thing! I want to be able to say that my ways and my path reflect that of my Father and not that of the world. Okay it is very late for me and I have to get up early but please if anyone has time read these chapters. The next 2 are extremely neat and show what happens when we do put our trust in the Lord's wonderfully perfect and sometimes incomprehensible ways! :) Good night and God bless everyone.

Valentines Day

Happy Valentines day to everyone! I had a wonderful weekend :) James came to visit for the weekend and it was great to have him near me again. I really hate still being in a distance relationship but I know that is the Lord's will for now. It's weird for me to think that James and I have been dating now for 1 year and 7 months!!! God has been so good to us through it all. He has taught me so very much and I continue to be amazed at the extent of what I am learning in a relationship with and through James. The more I grow in my relationship with James the more refining I do and see a need for. The Lord uses James to help me see my weaknesses in light of God. I don't mean this in a horrible way. I mean that whether indirect or directly James challenges me daily to be more like the person God calls us to be. This also reminds me of how my desire is to be more like Christ and see areas that I might be holding onto selfishly be transformed by the Holy Spirit at work in and through me. That is truly encouraging to think about how someday the man I marry will be the one God will use most in my life to show me my weaknesses so that in Christ they may be fulfilled. And that this man would be the one that God has chosen for me to experience this unlimited growth with. Speaking of marriage, my dear friend Elizabeth has been recently engaged! How fun and amazing this time will be for her! It seems to me like a ton of my friends are becoming engaged or soon to be married. It is definitely a sign that yes... We are adults now and yeah I am getting older! Ha! (Well not too much older!) Well, on that note it's time for bed. This is going to be a very busy week!
p.s. James thanks for the amazing weekend you are wonderful... I miss you already!!

short and sweet

Well I made it home safe and sound :) Things have been very strange since I've been here though. It seems like everything that I am trying to get done I have to re-do. At least I know I'm doing a good job the second time around! (heh.) I know I shouldn't complain but it's really starting to hurt my hands and I feel like I'm getting a computer haunch from my efforts.... Okay positive thoughts... on a good side I got to see my grandparents today and they are so loving! And my boyfriend James is coming to visit for the weekend!!!! YAY!!! I am in need of some time with James :) He has been a good prayer buddy for me, and God knows I need it. I know I should write more but I am sooo sleepy and I am needing to spend some time in the Word so I'll end this with good night and hope I have something more interesting to share next time :) Night!

Are you ready?

I find myself here at New Staff Training preparing to return to Michigan to begin the major task of support development. I realize that this time of developing financial supporters is going to be challenging and growing all at the same time. I am praying that I would rely completely on the Lord's sovereign power to enable me to report to my campus assignment at George Mason University. I know I am going to need some extra comfort from my friends too as I begin this huge task of fund development :) The people here at New Staff Training are encouraging though, and it is great to see so many people with the same passion for missions in one place. Although the people are great, I am very excited to go home, begin developing funds, and see the people I miss from home! I am especially looking forward to seeing my boyfriend James! (He will be visiting from VA in February!) I miss him so much and miss the proximity of living in the same state! While triaining has been well-needed to begin working in the ministry field, I am very happy to leave and sleep in my own bed :) I will also once again have my own room and space which is always a positive! We are all leaving Florida on Friday, so I'll be home soon! Until then... peace!